Fear

 {we heart it}

I am loving this quote so much this week, because its just so dang true.  Since the day in February when we found out we were moving to Chicago, I have been on a furious job hunt.  I was determined to find a fabulous job in our fabulous new city.  Fast forward four months, and all I’ve got is a big old pile of no’s, “you’re overqualified,” and “we’re not hiring.”  I have an even bigger pile of just never heard a word back.  Its been disheartening, frustrating, and downright confidence shaking.  Because I haven’t finished my Ph.D yet, I can’t really get the job I’ve been going to school for for the last billion years.  So I’ve paced, waited, complained, cried, and all about given up over finding a job, much less a job I actually enjoyed. 

A week before we moved, I got a call from the retail store where I’m currently working.  They loved my application and wanted to know when I could interview in person.  We pulled into Chicago with our U-Haul on Sunday, I interviewed Tuesday, and started work Thursday.  As much as I love the store, they can only take part time associates at the moment, which means I have to stay under 20 hours a week.  Boo.  A double boo because it leaves me absolutely no money to use the fabulously fat discount I get.

But through my bouts of doubt, stress, and frustration, I perused jobs online and continued to apply.  Still, I got more no’s, no thank you’s, and “we’ll call you.”  So last Monday, after a lovely trip to the zoo, I decided I was in good enough spirits to look at jobs for a bit.  I found something interesting online, and though the details were sparse, it sounded pretty cool.  A freelance writer for an editorial company who works on college textbooks, particularly ones in my area of study.  And to make the deal even sweeter, the pay was good.  I thought about it, mentioned it to Matt, then closed my computer realizing sending in my resume would mean hearing another rejection.  I couldn’t do it; I could not fail or be rejected again.  I just couldn’t.  So I sat on it for a few days, until Matt gently encouraged me to just send in my resume, stating I’d be “perfect for the job.”  (That’s what we’d said about the other 845 jobs I’d applied for.)  So, I begrudgingly sent in my resume at 10:45 that night fearing yet another rejection.  When I opened my computer at 9:00 am the next morning, I had a response.  I interviewed a few days later, and Tuesday, I found out…I got the job.

The job is great, though different than what I had in my “perfect little plan” (aka the plan that never works out, and thankfully, because God’s plan is SO much better.)  It pays well, its flexible, and it involves doing something I really love, writing.  But you know what?  I almost didn’t apply for this job.  I almost didn’t send in my resume.  Not because the job didn’t sound fantastic, not because I didn’t want it, but because I was afraid.  Afraid of failure.

So today, I am realizing how powerful the fear of failure can be.  It keeps us from pursuing our dreams, following our passions, and taking risks that may lead to great things.  Today, I am realizing that I almost let my fear of failure keep me down.  And today, I am vowing to push through my fears in the future, no matter how scary they may be.

What is the fear of failure keeping you from doing?